the old and the homesick

there was a time when i was in my early twenties...galavanting around egypt without a care in the world. work was work, illness lasted a few days and the future was unknown and exciting. days were led without much care, weekends harbored excitement and surprise and friendships, no matter how fleeting, were great to have. months brought me back to canada leaving me with the fondest memories. much like warm summer days during childhood years...only these are adult memories. the worst remembrances from that period of my life equal the band-aid removals we all endured as children.

fast forward a few years.

now is a time when i'm pushing thirty. when getting sick actually involves hospital visits, treatment and several days bed rest. when the future seems closer and preparing for it seems more necessary. when days have a purpose, weekends are used to ponder the week that just passed and to wonder how to embrace the coming days. a time in life when fleeting friendships aren't worth my compromise. a time when you remember a few years back and wonder how things were so easy not so long ago.

but then again...being homesick and SICK brings out that sort of melancholic thought. it's been exactly one month since my last post. i haven't gotten less cynical. so lets recap...

work: my boss changed his mind about 23 billion times about the magazine deadlines. hopefully we're sticking to the current plan of putting out the business mag in mid-november and the fashion mag in the spring. it is crazy seeing myself put it all together. i don't know how i'm doing it considering the only staff we have so far is a graphic designer and our department head...but somehow it's all coming together. i've got the content down for november and three months after that. we're working on layout now and it's all looking great.

wedding planning: it's getting scary...the amount of money that people want. it's coming out of everywhere. the price to pay for a dream wedding. sometimes i wonder if i should be cutting corners...and then i picture my day without certain elements and i can't do it. so i've decided to bite the bullet and go all out. i don't want to regret anything and i ESPECIALLY don't want go the rest of my life wishing i'd invested a couple extra grand.

social life: i'm feeling guilty for not answering everyone's emails. it's overwhelming sometimes and i feel horrid about it. as for making new friends...you discover quickly who they are when you fall sick. so i had 39C fever last week. there are people i couldn't have done without. let me tell you how horrid it is to feel helpless and feel like no one cares. i was lucky to not be alone...but i was also lucky to see early on the true colors of some i thought i could count on. to be honest...i'm trying but i can't find anyone who has my mentality. i can't become close to girls who wear pancake make-up and line their lips like it's the early 90's and who think eating yogurt for one week and not going to the bathroom is a REAL diet. i also can't get along with bigots who believe that people "chose" to be gay and anyone who admits to homosexuality should be "immediately brought to a psychiatrist". i'm not joking.

so far this country has done nothing but turn me off. a tax-free and wealthy existence is treating me fine...but it will never compare to a highly-taxed canadian one.